Though english not so good, its a good story.


I not send sms to ladies again. I also dont save lady that will send
me sms. This is because, if i am caught, i will say the person sent
the wrong number. I have also stop saving Njeri's name as Kamau or
Peter or Jemmo. I have learnt through the hard way. If you send sms
that can alarm, i delete immediately. If people of skirt sms or call
me, i delete the call history there there. It is through experience
that i say that.

Two years ago, i have a girl that sms me everyday with sweet sms.
Although most are from internet and forwarded, they were all love
message. So as not to raise alarm with the first lady, i changed her
name from Hilda to Njoro KTN. Mistake number one. When Njoro call, i
dismiss 'I will call you back shortly' Mistake no. 2.

This Njoro KTN kept on calling even at late time but i dont know how
to stop her because i was eating her every time and she had good hole.
In wazee language, we call them ' releaver wa mama) or standby
generator.
One day, first lady become suspicion of this Njoro. She ask herself,
'why is it only Njoro call and i say i will call back' yet others you
speak very well?' When in birthroom one Sato morning, she edit Njoro
KTN number and replace with hers. So, her number no longer read 'First
Lady' but Njoro KTN. Original Njoro KTN goes. I had come late on
Friday and i had obviously your gess is as good as mine who i had
eaten the previous night. So, at 11 AM, i see first sms:

Sms from Njoro: 'Hi darling. you are so lovely. How did you enjoy
jana's session'

Reply from me: 'kawaida it was the best. You are the sweetest thing in world'

njoro sms ' Really. Am i sweeter than your wife. Love you a million times'

I refuse to know why she ask about that because she is too disciplined
for that, but i reply anyway ' indeed. i said you are the sweetest.'

Njoro sms ' By the way, i need to go to salon this afte. ebu si sendie
3 k saa hii'

Another shocker because she is not used to ask for money in sms, but i
reply ' Sawa. nitatuma baadaye kidogo. In the middle of something'

Njoro Reply ' in the middle of what? are you in the middle of another woman?'

That time, first lady calls me through the house number and tell me
she need money for salon. I tell her 'kwani wewe pesa zako
unapelekanga wapi? Na si umetoka Salon juzi tu'? Account yako niliona
iko na ma elfu. Si uende utoe na bado bank haijafungwo?'

She start cry and through tantrum on phone and call me names. I am
used to that and i feel nothing.

After a while, Njoro sms again ' leo unanipeleka wapi? na unaniongezea
pesa ya ka shopping. Sawa?' i replied that i will and leo its mugithi
day at Jam Rescue. That time it was catching bad. This days i hear it
is beaten too much.

We chat on sms for long. She ask me which stylo i like most because
today she will give me until i am finished. I say the only stylo i
dont like is doggy because my grandpa told me its for animals only.

After a short while, i send the money 5k to her. Kawaida, i retrieve
number from the saved number. Something tell me i know this number
better than that, it looks more familiar than i thought. I hit the
send button and guess who number show on Mpesa after i send money' '
the first lady's!'.

I go to phone and check again to see how i picked first lady number
instead of Njoro KTN. when i go check who is saved as Njoro KTN, i see
it is first lady. I feel urinal come near the penis. I pray if it is
possible Alqaida bomb our building and i be the first to die. Then i
remember i am a sinner and if hell is real, i will be its guest. I
look out and see if i can jump out and fall dead.

I tremble all body and testicles. My mind go blank and cannot think
again. After a while, my mum call me, she, say first lady call her
crying and tell her all things. She say she is on way to Nairobi to
attend to that. I dont know what to do, whether to run away to Egypt
or what to do. I call my friend and tell them story. One of them tell
me to deny all and say i all knew it is the first lady and that is why
i sent the money for salon.

If you think Libyans and Japan have had a hard time, you should have
been in my house. When i entered that house and see situation, mum
crying and wife crying, i decide to run away small. I tell the story
as i was advised, that how can i not know the first lady's number off
head and i was just playing with her. Somehow somehow, they bought the
story. But i say from that day, if a chick send me sms, i call back
and talk. Whatever it is, i dont reply back to sms from ladies. NEVER
AGAIN.

Theuri has seen it too. He thought he was clever by deleting sms. One
day, his wife see sent messages to a girl. They were actually on
delivery reports folder.

'Swirri, leo nakam uni shave. Kwanza naskia zangu tunaweza uza
zikashone piece na tumake chapaa. Na leo unanyonya mpaka maheke. kama
sio ivo sikuji' (sweeti, today i come you shave me. first i feel we
can even sell them to make piece and we make money)

He denied and said he had given a friend called Wanjohi to use his
phone. He say 'Wanjohi ni jamaa mnjinga sana. What is this now? he
cant even buy credit kwa simu. akiokoa jahazi yeye hulipa ten bob kila
siku mpaka iishe'.

He took phone and called me and started reading me for sending smses
using his phone. He gave wife his phone to talk to me. I did not deny
and she really read for me. I told her i will not borrow his phone
again, although i had no idea about the texts. He calls me savior of
his marriage and from that day, akapata akili pia.

I have also said, i will never safe ladies number as men's name. If i
think you are worth the risk, i cram your number offhead. Like now, i
know all this ladies no offhead: Chiku, lydia, Mziwanda,glory,Janet,
Martha, Shiru, Wambu, Aggie, Ruth, Polly, Anastac, Abi, Nina, Soni,
Maggie, Triza, Terry to mention but a few. And thats Wanjohi for you.

Enjoy!!!!!!!!!! AT
--
Sent from my siemens C25 (twanga pepeta)